you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
