i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
