How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
