Nicole vs. Life
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
