Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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