dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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