You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
