I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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