At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
