i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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