I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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