...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
