Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
