So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
