I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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