pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
