Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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