Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
