fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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