I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize