You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
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We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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