I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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