Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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