we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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