I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
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I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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