and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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