she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
