apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
