i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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