I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
