Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dicks are not precious.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
