Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
