It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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