Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
