Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
