i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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