my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
