Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
