I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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