he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
