So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
