She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
