This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So apparently I’m into choking now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
