I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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