Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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