I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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