I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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