Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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