forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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