I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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