his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
