Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
