No stitches, just platelets and will power
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
