sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
