yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
