The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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