I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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