And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
