i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
