pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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