did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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