i think my tv is drunk
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
