youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
