I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
