If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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