Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He? As in you personified your dick?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize