i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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