We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
jump out the window naked night went bad
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
