Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
