I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you have feelings for this penis?