I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
