And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
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I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.