What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
