i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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