you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.