just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog