I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
