Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
