apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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