YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize