Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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