I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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