There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
