drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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