btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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